I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
