College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
