So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
