I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
