I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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