I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
