I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
worst night to have a conscience
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
