I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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