how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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