I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
