I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
