And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
