I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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