dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
