and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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