Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
