I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
