New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
