Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
