At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
