3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
