i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
