I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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