I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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