Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
