I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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