Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
