my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
