everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sext me about skeletons
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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