are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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