Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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