OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
