Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
