I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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