I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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