how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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