if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
