"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
