my vag is so smooth its legendary
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
