if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
