Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
