if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
