I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
vagina is talking i cant
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
