she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
