I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
are you so shy because you have an std?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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