We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
