We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
