I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
