It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
