this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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