A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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