my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
