do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
