My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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