oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
