dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
