I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
