I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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