Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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