I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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