Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
