is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
