I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
