I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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