I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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Did I show you my penis last night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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