There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
