If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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