I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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