Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
