didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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