y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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