Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
