i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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