he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
