I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
