Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm really into asian looking animals
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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