im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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